20 Things . . .

20 Things I never thought I’d hear myself say . . .
Then I became a mom

1. Shut the door (uttered a mere 1000 times a day, whether if be cupboard door, fridge, house door).
2. Get your hands out of the toilet.
3. Don’t lick the dog.
4. Do you like the taste of dog hair?
5. Stop putting your hands in your brother’s mouth.
6. Bub, wake up, you’re peeing on the floor!
7. Did you flush?
8. Wash your hands.
9. Now go back and do it again using soap.
10. You don’t wipe yogurt on the windows.
11. Are candy wrappers supposed to go on the floor?
12. Who spilled the Kool-Aid all over the floor?
13. Don’t fart at the table.
14. Use your fork.
15. Chew with your mouth closed.
16. Stop feeding the dog.
17. Don’t call your brother a “doo doo butt”.
18. Because I said so.
19. How did your sock get on the ceiling fan?
20. Why are all these matchbox cars under your pillow?